The Crumbsnatchers have secrets. Some so daring that putting pen to paper is simply too frightening to entertain. Those highway tales told quietly around a campfire, that echo and reverberate around a child’s questioning mind, calling them from their dreams, those kind of tales. Hooks for hands and moonlight serenades from lover’s lane, steamy windows and starlight screams, do not begin to scratch the surface. Shuddering beneath the covers, I waited for their call. At the sound of the phone’s ring, I leapt from my skin. Nothing had prepared me for this mayhem, nothing.
“Hello”, I stammered, hoping to find a dial tone. Greeted with the laughter of not one, but three of them. Who can handle such madness? Was it three? Had I finally succumb to the voices in my head? Was this real? Only time would tell. “I’m with Phillip and Ryan,” said the voice of Guetts, the loudest of the three.
“Please tell me who is talking, as I won’t know,” I pleaded.
Questions. It was time time for questions. What do I know about them? I once saw them floating on top of a large crowd of people in dresses. I know they have lots of energy. I know their shows are known for the wild, dance driven frenzies that erupt without warning.
Voice one: “Right. That’s what kind of performers and dudes we are. I think we have had a stage show from day one. I would really like every situation ever to be like that. If I was at work, and cooking on the line and I could get everybody to dance with me, I would do that. I love doing it so much, because it is acceptable for me to do that.”
Voice two: “The more the better in a rock and roll scenario. I don’t think you can go to far.”
All voices: (Crazed laughter)
How do they manage to piece together songs? Who is behind this? Are they all one united force?
Voice 3: “The songs are always written by Guetts. He comes in with some form of it and a melody. We play together, until we find the parts that we want to play.”
Voice two: “Two pieces will come together and we will change things as we like.”
So, they can separate! This was more terrifying than I had originally anticipated. These fiendish manipulators of sound could be anywhere, at any time! From that moment on, I was on the move. I would be hard to track. These beings are known for improv and tend to change things up, especially when performing.
Voice 2: “We definitely change a lot. The live shows are a little bit looser. In the studio, you have to hone in on what you want. Every single part will be that way forever. We’ve added parts, added a bridge. We’ve added an ending part. It was straight forward. We added something new.”
My worst fears have been realized. The live shows are always different. Their enchantment knows no bounds. And what did he mean “the studio?” What sort of place is this that they can change forever? Where does this bridge lead? They know the ending? Did I really want these answers? I was in too deep. I had to know.
Set to perform on April 18th at Scruffy City Hall, a place where vikings are known to spend their evenings. Complete with forty kinds of ale, continuously flowing, this combination surely will be a spectacle to behold.
Voice 1: “This is Guetts!” (I swear the lights flickered at this announcement.) We have a few specialties for this show. Ikki Illustrations is doing an art show. She has several large scale drawing and some stuff we will hang from the ceiling. It is going to be beautiful. Our good friends Baby Baby are coming in from Atlanta. They are wild and they are awesome and that is going to be really special.”
Oh my God, they are bringing in “friends.” Out of towners to help with their dirty work, no doubt. How does a city prepare for such an event? Do we have enough water? Are the walls fortified. We made it through winter, and now this!
White knuckled, I pressed on. Should my eyes be dilated? Should the room be this drafty? What was that noise?
Voice 3: “The guy that owns The Basement in Nashville, he sent us an email the said, “you f***ers f***ing rock! (Laughing) The day after we played.”
Voice 1: “Yes, the day after we played in The Basement!”
All voices: (maniacal laughing)
What had happened in “The Basement?” Obviously their reign had spread to other cities. Could this be the beginning of something huge? Shortly, I would learn of the full power of their live shows.
Voice 3: At a recent show, a woman was doing weird yoga (An enchantress, I’m sure. I thought they were just legend). I don’t know what she was on, or had been doing, but she was not the picture if sobriety.”
Voice 1: “She was out there doing yoga with her legs waiving in the air.”
Voice 3: “She picked up instruments and began playing them. Luckily most of them were turned off.”
Voice 1: “It quickly became avant-garde.”
Wandering aimlessly through my yard, I found myself lost. The forest was dark and foreboding.
