Practical recommendations from BLANK’s resident soothsayer
by Madame Weezy
After a month of R&R, your favorite guide is back! Speaking of, I’ve been thinking about how this city has so many options for a fun night out on the town, and nothing complements good times quite like a fancy adult beverage or two. But with so many options, deciding where to go can be overwhelming. What vibe vibes with you best? Good news! Your personal concierge Madame Weezy has taken the time to consult with the universe to find the perfect spot in Knoxville for you to let loose. Make sure to have that rideshare app at the ready, though, because driving under the influence is a bad move in any galaxy.
Aquarius: You’re funky, unique and at times a bit tacky in the best way possible. Although you don’t dig nostalgia the way others do, you do appreciate a perfectly executed retro aesthetic. South Knoxville’s new Fly by Night is the perfect spot to immerse yourself in a carefully curated atmosphere that flawlessly recreates your grandparents’ den – right down to the velvet painting-covered wood paneling. With so-old-they’re-new cocktails like the (frozen) Harvey Wallbanger, Rusty Nail and even Jell-O shots, this place welcomes the type of “That ‘70s Show” cosplay that’ll push your creativity to the limits.
Pisces: You can find a way to have a good time just about anywhere, but the best spot for you will be one equally laid back as you. Though Trailhead Beer Market’s name might suggest you’d need to be super outdoorsy to hang out there, the unassuming South Knox joint makes room for everyone. As its name also would suggest, there is a focus on brews, but the friendly bartenders can fashion simple cocktails for your beer-hating compadres, as well. There’s even Gato Peligroso, a permanent food truck with a rotating menu of guaranteed-delicious munchies. As a music fan, you’ll appreciate the insanely talented acts that stop through to enhance (but not take over) the relaxed ambiance. This place is so effortlessly comfortable that it’s almost like a perpetual porch hang, which is exactly the kind of thing you fishes dig the most.
Taurus: You need a place that feels homey: a classic neighborhood spot void of pretension. You’ll want good, reasonably priced drinks and some delicious eats to help soak up the steady stream of libations. Even more importantly, you want a place that has dedicated regulars that make you feel like family whenever you walk in the door. Corner Lounge in Happy Holler fits the bill to a T. With a small staff of some of the coolest folks in town and equally warm and engaging patrons, this spot is just what a bull seeks for accommodations. Try the way-better-than-they-should-be pork rinds or one of their seriously delicious sandwiches to really bring the experience to another level.
Aries: You aren’t opposed to a delicious drink or three, but your favorite bar needs to serve up something beyond bangin’ brews. You need an atmosphere that’ll offer up activities to challenge the mind and the body. Craft Axe Throwing offers a whole new way to really let off some steam, and with locations on both 5th Avenue and North Peters, all you Westie besties don’t have to trek all the way downtown to partake in the fun. With TVs, a fully stocked bar and an online reservation system, you fire-starters can throw down in the way you’ve always imagined: by hurling sharp objects as hard as you can with hopefully very little risk of winding up on the news.
Gemini: You twins aren’t hard to please, but you are hard to keep pleased, so your ideal spot needs to house multiple moods under the same roof. You need a dive, a music venue, a place to dance, a place to chill and a place to be seen. You are just who Scott and Bernadette West had in mind when they started their scruffy little empire with Preservation Pub all those years ago. With a smoky cave of regulars bellied up to the bar and bunched in booths on the first floor and live music almost every night of the year, that room alone changes moods after the sun goes down. The funky second floor and rooftop oasis feel like separate worlds even though they’re separated only by a staircase. This place has something for everyone – even those everyones that reside in the same noggin.
Cancer: Your favorite thing about going out for a drink or two is the quality time you get to spend with the ones you love. You want a place that’s comfy inside and out, has a great selection of drinks along with some good comfort food and is lively without being too loud to carry on a conversation. Merchants of Beer in the Old City boasts 50 taps plus cocktails, plenty of indoor and outdoor seating and a volume level that is reasonably festive without being overbearing. Not only that, repeat Knoxville’s Finest winner Oakwood BBQ serves up mouthwatering vittles of both the savory and sweet persuasions from the Pop Up Truck parked on the edge of the astroturf patio. Add to all that the very many good canine boys and girls out there on any given day, and it’s im-paw-ssible not to have a good time.
Leo: You are one of the best looking and coolest individuals around (in your opinion at least), so you want a place that puts as much effort into curating the right aesthetic as you do. With its sleek and sophisticated decor, expertly crafted cocktails and highbrow bar munchies, The Public House is the perfect spot to put on some airs while trying desperately to look like you give no cares. A nifty urban bar where frat fellas and angsty artists alike can gather, it is the perfect place to be seen and – seeing as to how you do enjoy great food and drink – gorge yourself on stellar cheese and glasses of fancy fizz, as well.
Virgo: You are both sporty and responsible. As such, your favorite spot is one that encourages rewarding a hard workout with a brew or two. Alliance Brewing is perfect, as it caters to active and outdoorsy folks wanting to enjoy the kind of beer that has obviously been lovingly and studiously labored over. Both kid and dog-friendly, this isn’t the kind of place to belly up and drink until you can’t stand. Instead, Alliance’s “Active Beer Culture” allows you virtuous virgins to engage in your favorite activity: fun within prescribed limits.
Libra: You are the champion of compromise. You can have fun just about anywhere, but your wide array of mates can be quite picky. As a result, your favorite spot is one that can please just about anyone. With great food, a wall of taps, a full bar for your anti-hop pals, music, game tables and a chill patio, Barley’s Taproom is the best place in town to meet the needs of a large group. The live music bookings are low-key incredible, with some of the best shows you can see in this town taking place on that stage. The patio is the perfect spot to have a chill convo or an emotional heart-to-heart. Then there’s pool, darts and video games upstairs for those that need to be up and doing something. And despite the horseradish dip exiting the menu (sad), they still have some of the best eats in town. Add the fact they never stay open embarrassingly late, it’s the perfect spot to please you people pleasers.
Scorpio: As a scorpion, you’re naturally sexy and mysterious and have an air of sophistication about you that makes people gravitate in your direction. Your favorite lounge is a smidge secretive, somewhat secluded and has a dark, haunting charm. With a simple red light marking the entrance, the Peter Kern Library speakeasy indulges you spectacularly seductive souls with a quiet nook for some simulated nighttime naughtiness. You cerebral scorpions will love the extra challenge of determining the code to enter this room filled with rich woods, leather and well-worn books to savor throwback favorites like the Sazerac, Manhattan or even the green fairy served just right.
Sagittarius: You’re fun, good-natured and like to move around. You do best with an expansive spot that has plenty of both familiar faces and new friends just waiting to be made. You need good drinks and good food that’s fun but not pretentious, and sports-friendly spots are especially welcome. Yee-Haw Brewing, North Knox’s newest complex, is right down you centaurs’ alleys. The place is always full of folks having a great time. With both indoor and outdoor seating, tons of TVs (including a couple enormous screens), games to keep the young’uns and the young at heart entertained and Prince’s hot chicken to challenge those tastes buds, this place is just right for keeping you twitchy Sagittarians occupied.
Capricorn: You are the adultiest adult to have ever adulted, so it seems you want a place that’s just as sophisticated and no-nonsense. Well, sorry to tell you, but that’s not how bars work, my friend. However, I can suggest a place that has the right mix of food, drink and ambience to allow you to unclench and have a good time with other grown folks. Boyd’s Jig & Reel has the best scotch selection in town. The food is comforting, but it’s elevated, not just fried pub grub. The folks who frequent the Jig are cool, too, and can quieten the rowdier townies with just their mere presence. You can have a great meal, fabulous drinks and see a good show with a very low chance of running into a 21st birthday bar crawl or a bachelorette convoy.
weezy@blanknews.com
