Things people hate about Christmas
While we were sitting around over beers and coffee brainstorming ideas for the December issue, it became clear to me that I don’t see Christmas the same way that other people do. Not that this is any sort of revelation; I’ve been disenchanted for quite some time.
I started working on a top ten list by myself, but then just threw it out there on social media. I was floored by the responses, and they’re still rolling in. So, without further ado, here are some things to hate about the Christmas season, in no particular order, except for number one.
-RAMPANT COMMERCIALISM ! This was by far the number one complaint. Buy, buy, buy. Sell, sell, sell. Cash is what it’s really all about to many.
-Christmas starts in July. Really. Can we legislate no Christmas until Thanksgiving is over?
-Antlers on cars.
-From the Christians- the fact that the birth of Christ is totally overshadowed by the first item.
-From the non Christians- the smarmy piousness that some affect; “you can’t really be enjoying Christmas if you don’t believe in Jesus.”
-The happy faces of children. (Thanks Joel, almost forgot that one)
-Having to be on the one woman Festival of Lights. Clean, cook, decorate, entertain, shop, bake, secret Santa…all in your spare time while working a 40-hour week.
-Schlocky music ad nauseum. Extra hate points off for singing animals.
-The seasonal murder of a billion trees.
-The endless stream of holiday parties, especially work parties, where attendance is mandatory.
-Inflatable yard decorations, especially Santa on a motorcycle.
-Peppermint. In everything.
-Feeling like a failure because I can’t afford to buy the gifts that I want to give my family. (Lots of folks rang in on this one, too.)
-Being expected at multiple places at the same time.
-Retaliation gifts; gifts that you have to buy because someone got you a gift, regardless of the way you feel about that person or your ability to afford it.
-Debt.
-Crying children dragged through stores being screamed at by their parents.
-The rudeness of shoppers and drivers.
-Fake mistletoe, fake candy, fake candles. Fake trees. Fake, fake , fake.
-Pigeon Forge/Sevierville in December. Come see the worst of Amerikan Kristmas Kulture, In glorious technicolour lights, but if you need an eight foot blinking Santa in a helicopter, there’s only one place to go.
-People at church who insist on singing “O Holy Night,” then screw up the high notes. Every year.
-My neighbor that puts a PBJ, Plastic Baby Jesus, in his yard, who is having an affair and told me he would kill my dog if it came in his yard again.
-Claxton fruitcake bricks.
-That plastic dancing Santa that come on and “boogies,” or plays a saxophone when you walk past. Any dancing Santa really.
-The 12 days of Christmas. The song. It sucked then, it sucks now.
-I’ll leave you with a personal favorite from friend Racheal P. off of Facebook: “Everyone suddenly jumps up to be a good person, and then they go right back to being terrible on January 2, cursing the very ‘welfare children’ they bought Angel Tree gifts for two weeks prior”.
Well, I asked and you really answered Knoxville! There are a few things to chew on besides fruitcake this season, and, by the way, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
